[Sleeping for several days had actually been pretty nice.
Sleeping in general has been a challenge ever since that night on the mountain, and he rarely made it through a night without waking up at least once. But after the whole energy drink thing at Delight's party, he'd been so tired that other than brief interruptions to eat or drink something he'd slept for most of the last three days.
So he's in a pretty decent mood when he meets up with Nick to go on a scavenging hunt, if a little stiff. When he catches sight of Nick where they're supposed to meet up he calls out to her, stretching a little as wanders over.]
Hey, Nick. Ready for hopefully uneventful adventure?
[He's keeping his tone light, because while he is considering using this indeed hopefully boring for all species involved expedition to fill Nick in on some of the pieces she's missing regarding the bullshit that was the night on the mountain, he's not totally committed yet. They could just have a stupid conversation about last week's party or the lame supplies available to them.
He raises his eyebrows at her declaration, clearly not convinced.]
Are you still vegetarian too? Man, it's gonna be tough if so.
[He's totally just teasing again; their house is still vegetarian as well, and though it had sucked a lot at first he's getting used to it. He's still all about convincing Delight to procure a hamburger he can reasonably trust won't turn him into a monster, but otherwise...]
Well, I wouldn't say that, but yeah. It seems a little too convenient that we get human meat in our food the same time wendigo spirits get into Hadriel.
[He begins leading the way toward the shops, both to get this whole plan moving and to give himself something to focus on, and sighs quietly to gather his nerves.]
So um... Speaking of wendigos and whatever, I uh... I figure it's probably about time you know all the other stuff that happened on the mountain. Since you're around the house a lot, and I mean, you've probably already figured out it's kind of... Awkward.
[And also because she'd told him her story, and it kind of feels wrong to keep hiding things from her.]
[Something about the way she puts it actually makes him relax a little; 'twitchy' is both funny in its simpleness, and also completely accurate. That she genuinely isn't pushing is also reassuring, and as hard as it might be to tell the story he's more convinced it's the right choice.
He's already tried shoving everything to the back of his mind and ignoring it as much as possible, and all that's accomplished is to make the reminders--usually otherwise normal words, but sometimes extreme situations--hit harder than they might otherwise. And it's exhausting to keep hiding everything, to watch carefully how much he says or how he reacts, especially when it's someone who's around as often as Nick.
And he trusts her, so it makes sense for her to know.]
No, it's um... It's okay. I think uh... Talking's about the only thing I haven't tried, so I'm willing to give it a shot.
[He shoves his hands in his coat pocket, glancing sideways over at her and trying to offer a small grin.]
You do have to promise that like, you won't flip out on anyone. Because you'll probably be pissed.
[He knows he would be if he heard this story from her.]
[He's still not sure if he should be contacting her at all. It might be best if he didn't, if he just left her alone; surely she doesn't want to talk to him. He doesn't think he'd want to talk to him.
But he also doesn't want to just leave her alone, to have to deal with things by herself, and there's also a but of selfishness in his decision; he wants to know if she's okay, and he wants to tell her he's sorry.
But as good as he can be with words, he doesn't think he can manage starting this conversation face to face, or even voice to voice. So he sends her a message instead, and hopes she won't just ignore it.]
Hey, Nick. It's okay if you don't want to talk to me, but I wanted to check on how you're doing. And say that I'm really, really sorry.
[She hesitates when she sees the message come through, considers for a few seconds on whether she wants to reply or just delete it unanswered. Turns her phone off and shoves it in her pocket for a few moments more, then pulls it back out and reads the message again. She's been replaying the incident in the bar over and over in her mind ever since she woke up again, and she knows she was the asshole in that episode, knows everything that woman she attacked said to her was true - it was Rage's influence, not her own desires, that made her almost kill another person. But the things she said to Chris when he got in the way - that was all on her. She didn't expect to hear from Chris again, after that.
She definitely didn't expect an apology. I mean, sure, he shot her, but - was it wrong? She'd been ready to commit actual murder, kill someone she never even met, someone whose name she still doesn't know. She pretty much deserved to be shot. She's a monster, right? Monsters need to be put down when they go berserk. Everyone knows that.]
[He's really not expecting her to respond, but it's not like he has a lot to do besides check his phone; even if he could walk much he hasn't had much desire to leave his room.
So he's holding his phone when it lights up with her message, and he stares at it a few moments in surprise not just that she replied at all but what she said. That's what prompts him to sit up a little straighter on his bed and send a request for a video call, because if she's actually willing to talk to him about this then it should probably be through video after all.]
[... Oh. She doesn't expect this, either. Nick startles into answering the call, not really thinking about whether to answer or ignore. She's responded already; it would be stupid not to now.
She doesn't look great, but she looks far more healed than a baseline human would be this quickly - fading traces of bruises shadowed under both eyes, the gash in her forehead where Chris shot her now nothing more than a shrunken scab. She smiles thinly at the camera, barely there, and doesn't quite make eye contact.]
[Chris appears little pale and tired, a distant look in his eyes, but generally better than Nick. He wasn't really hurt in the whole thing, physically anyway, except for his bad knee; and he really can't complain about that since Maketh was trying to protect him. Did protect him, probably.
He offers his own weak attempt at a smile, but it's obviously forced; he's firmer about eye contact though, even if she doesn't return it.]
Hey.
[There's silence again for a few moments, as he tries to decide what to say, but there's one most pressing thing and even though he already said it through text--]
I'm... I-I'm really sorry, Nick. I-I should've... I should figured out something else to do besides...
[She huffs an almost silent almost-laugh. Of all the conversations she never thought she'd be having ... ]
Don't worry about it, man. That's one of the benefits of being a freaky monster - I'm hard to kill.
[There's a hardness in her words, but it's not meant for Chris, really - more for herself, a reflection of the disgust and embarrassment she feels over acting in such an appalling manner. She's been an asshole before and felt justified in the destruction she caused, but this - this was one of those asshole gods fucking with her, and she feels like she should have, somehow, been strong enough to fight it off. She doesn't let other people control her. That's not The Nick Rivenna Way - she's her own person, too stubborn to ever fall victim to outside influence, even from a god.]
[It's harsh to hear it, but some part of him is angry at himself for not being able to say it himself. He's the one who did it, after all, and not in a split-second decision either; it had been the plan the whole time if things went badly. The least he can do is own up to it.
So it feels wrong that Nick doesn't even seem really angry at him for it, and he doesn't know what to say, because she he might've done the logical thing but that doesn't make it the right one. Nothing about any of this was right.]
I'm really glad you're not dead.
[It's not what he means to say, but it's the truth all the same. He's so glad that shooting her didn't kill her, and not just because of his own guilt. It hadn't been her fault that this had happened, it had been the gods', and she didn't deserve to have to pay for it.]
[She mutters this almost under her breath and regrets it immediately. It sounds so stupid, so - emo, what is she, some tortured teen mallgoth? Please. Her life has sucked beyond the telling of it more often than not, but she's never once turned suicidal over it. Maybe she's wished she was never born, maybe she's wished she could just blink out of existence, but that's not the same thing. (Is it? It's not. She's sure it's not.) Mostly, she's always been too angry to give up on living.]
That lady - I don't think I ever saw her before, is she OK?
[Nick knows she didn't succeed in her main objective - killing her - but the rest of what happened at the end is such a blur, Nick can't be sure she didn't still cause significant damage.]
I was wondering if you wanted to help me out in my bar!!
You could show me how most humans like their cocktails. I've gotten a few complaints... also, I can pay you! With the little shots I gave out during the party event. Do you remember those?
Oh that would be awesome!! Yeah I just am not very good at mixing. I think some of the liquor is a little different than people are expecting too- having someone around who knows more about it than me would definitely be a benefit!!!
[He felt it the moment she was no longer in Hadriel. That subtle shift of a mind that he could no longer touch. He hadn't been able to read her Morphus form, but it was still there, just a wide, gaping space. This meant one of two things: Nick had either disappeared from the cave entirely or she was dead. Both possibilities filled the old immortal with distress. Hoping against hope that he was somehow mistaken, he tried to contact her.]
Nick, if you are there, please contact me immediately.
[His anxiety grows, and by the end of the day, Ushahin is sure. She is gone and his heart hurts.]
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[Action] | April 6th-ish
Sleeping in general has been a challenge ever since that night on the mountain, and he rarely made it through a night without waking up at least once. But after the whole energy drink thing at Delight's party, he'd been so tired that other than brief interruptions to eat or drink something he'd slept for most of the last three days.
So he's in a pretty decent mood when he meets up with Nick to go on a scavenging hunt, if a little stiff. When he catches sight of Nick where they're supposed to meet up he calls out to her, stretching a little as wanders over.]
Hey, Nick. Ready for hopefully uneventful adventure?
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I am ready for the most boring adventure known to man - or Nightbane, for that matter.
[A self-deprecating smile flashes briefly across her face.]
Also, I'm never touching booze again. [This is a lie.]
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[He's keeping his tone light, because while he is considering using this indeed hopefully boring for all species involved expedition to fill Nick in on some of the pieces she's missing regarding the bullshit that was the night on the mountain, he's not totally committed yet. They could just have a stupid conversation about last week's party or the lame supplies available to them.
He raises his eyebrows at her declaration, clearly not convinced.]
Oh yeah? Joining me in the sober losers club?
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For a while, anyway. Prob'ly gotta give my liver some time to recover, y'know?
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[He's totally just teasing again; their house is still vegetarian as well, and though it had sucked a lot at first he's getting used to it. He's still all about convincing Delight to procure a hamburger he can reasonably trust won't turn him into a monster, but otherwise...]
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[To both being vegetarian and her levels of suffering over it.]
I don't wanna take any chances with these sick fucks running things. You can't tell me they didn't do that on purpose - no one is that stupid.
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[He begins leading the way toward the shops, both to get this whole plan moving and to give himself something to focus on, and sighs quietly to gather his nerves.]
So um... Speaking of wendigos and whatever, I uh... I figure it's probably about time you know all the other stuff that happened on the mountain. Since you're around the house a lot, and I mean, you've probably already figured out it's kind of... Awkward.
[And also because she'd told him her story, and it kind of feels wrong to keep hiding things from her.]
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Yeah ... well, I did notice you're all kinda twitchy. But - I mean, I get it - monsters fucking suck.
[There was more to it - Chris mentioned it, when she'd accidentally shown him her Morphus. Something about a friend lying to him.]
Sure, if you wanna talk about it ... I just don't wanna pry or anything.
[Some things can't be helped by talking about it. Some secrets maybe need to be kept.]
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He's already tried shoving everything to the back of his mind and ignoring it as much as possible, and all that's accomplished is to make the reminders--usually otherwise normal words, but sometimes extreme situations--hit harder than they might otherwise. And it's exhausting to keep hiding everything, to watch carefully how much he says or how he reacts, especially when it's someone who's around as often as Nick.
And he trusts her, so it makes sense for her to know.]
No, it's um... It's okay. I think uh... Talking's about the only thing I haven't tried, so I'm willing to give it a shot.
[He shoves his hands in his coat pocket, glancing sideways over at her and trying to offer a small grin.]
You do have to promise that like, you won't flip out on anyone. Because you'll probably be pissed.
[He knows he would be if he heard this story from her.]
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tw for suicide
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[text]
But he also doesn't want to just leave her alone, to have to deal with things by herself, and there's also a but of selfishness in his decision; he wants to know if she's okay, and he wants to tell her he's sorry.
But as good as he can be with words, he doesn't think he can manage starting this conversation face to face, or even voice to voice. So he sends her a message instead, and hopes she won't just ignore it.]
Hey, Nick. It's okay if you don't want to talk to me, but I wanted to check on how you're doing. And say that I'm really, really sorry.
[text]
She definitely didn't expect an apology. I mean, sure, he shot her, but - was it wrong? She'd been ready to commit actual murder, kill someone she never even met, someone whose name she still doesn't know. She pretty much deserved to be shot. She's a monster, right? Monsters need to be put down when they go berserk. Everyone knows that.]
im ok
u dont need 2 b sorry
[text] --> [video]
So he's holding his phone when it lights up with her message, and he stares at it a few moments in surprise not just that she replied at all but what she said. That's what prompts him to sit up a little straighter on his bed and send a request for a video call, because if she's actually willing to talk to him about this then it should probably be through video after all.]
[video]
She doesn't look great, but she looks far more healed than a baseline human would be this quickly - fading traces of bruises shadowed under both eyes, the gash in her forehead where Chris shot her now nothing more than a shrunken scab. She smiles thinly at the camera, barely there, and doesn't quite make eye contact.]
... Hey.
[video]
He offers his own weak attempt at a smile, but it's obviously forced; he's firmer about eye contact though, even if she doesn't return it.]
Hey.
[There's silence again for a few moments, as he tries to decide what to say, but there's one most pressing thing and even though he already said it through text--]
I'm... I-I'm really sorry, Nick. I-I should've... I should figured out something else to do besides...
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[She huffs an almost silent almost-laugh. Of all the conversations she never thought she'd be having ... ]
Don't worry about it, man. That's one of the benefits of being a freaky monster - I'm hard to kill.
[There's a hardness in her words, but it's not meant for Chris, really - more for herself, a reflection of the disgust and embarrassment she feels over acting in such an appalling manner. She's been an asshole before and felt justified in the destruction she caused, but this - this was one of those asshole gods fucking with her, and she feels like she should have, somehow, been strong enough to fight it off. She doesn't let other people control her. That's not The Nick Rivenna Way - she's her own person, too stubborn to ever fall victim to outside influence, even from a god.]
It's fine. You did the right thing.
[video]
So it feels wrong that Nick doesn't even seem really angry at him for it, and he doesn't know what to say, because she he might've done the logical thing but that doesn't make it the right one. Nothing about any of this was right.]
I'm really glad you're not dead.
[It's not what he means to say, but it's the truth all the same. He's so glad that shooting her didn't kill her, and not just because of his own guilt. It hadn't been her fault that this had happened, it had been the gods', and she didn't deserve to have to pay for it.]
[video] cw sort of vaguely suicidal???
[She mutters this almost under her breath and regrets it immediately. It sounds so stupid, so - emo, what is she, some tortured teen mallgoth? Please. Her life has sucked beyond the telling of it more often than not, but she's never once turned suicidal over it. Maybe she's wished she was never born, maybe she's wished she could just blink out of existence, but that's not the same thing. (Is it? It's not. She's sure it's not.) Mostly, she's always been too angry to give up on living.]
That lady - I don't think I ever saw her before, is she OK?
[Nick knows she didn't succeed in her main objective - killing her - but the rest of what happened at the end is such a blur, Nick can't be sure she didn't still cause significant damage.]
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[video] cw vaguely suicidal again 8|
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I remember that you said you used to be a bartender.
That was you, right?
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yea thats me
why
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You could show me how most humans like their cocktails. I've gotten a few complaints... also, I can pay you! With the little shots I gave out during the party event. Do you remember those?
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what kinda complaints? i can help u out 4 sure, i used 2 work in a bar where i lived b4
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count me in
ive been a bartender 4 like 4 yrs, i know alot
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Backdated to the 2nd; Voice
Nick, if you are there, please contact me immediately.
[His anxiety grows, and by the end of the day, Ushahin is sure. She is gone and his heart hurts.]