[He isn't surprised she reacts with anger, but he is a little surprise she hangs up on him. For a moment he's uncertain, wondering if he should just leave her alone; he did nearly kill her, and he feels so guilty about it, and if she doesn't want to talk to him then maybe--
No. He's sick of doing this, of being so careful and trying to figure out the right thing to say and backing down the moment someone gets angry with him, of being always the one responsible for reaching out and fixing the problem and it always being his fault when something goes wrong. He's tired of being over and over put in the position of having to figure out what to do or how to diffuse a situation or how to save someone from themselves. He's tired of knowing that if he makes one wrong choice someone really could die. That people have died because he's made the wrong choices, and the guilt and fear are all-consuming and keep forcing him to act because what if he doesn't?
And then there's a situation like this, where it's complicated and awful and Nick can't just talk to him, so he has to decide whether to leave her to deal with her problems and take the risk that she'll do something drastic or try to reach out to her again, say and do the right things to calm her down, and just keep playing this same role yet again.
How many times has been here, trying to figure out what to do? More than he can count, with stakes ranging from hurt feelings to lives, and he always makes the same choice. The time he hadn't, he'd lost his best friend.
His anger is quickly draining, leaving behind the real emotions that it's--as usual--just masking, and although he's already made up his mind to call Nick back he takes a few minutes before he does. He needs to be sure he won't start crying the moment he tries to talk.
Finally, he sends another video call request and hopes she answers.]
[video]
No. He's sick of doing this, of being so careful and trying to figure out the right thing to say and backing down the moment someone gets angry with him, of being always the one responsible for reaching out and fixing the problem and it always being his fault when something goes wrong. He's tired of being over and over put in the position of having to figure out what to do or how to diffuse a situation or how to save someone from themselves. He's tired of knowing that if he makes one wrong choice someone really could die. That people have died because he's made the wrong choices, and the guilt and fear are all-consuming and keep forcing him to act because what if he doesn't?
And then there's a situation like this, where it's complicated and awful and Nick can't just talk to him, so he has to decide whether to leave her to deal with her problems and take the risk that she'll do something drastic or try to reach out to her again, say and do the right things to calm her down, and just keep playing this same role yet again.
How many times has been here, trying to figure out what to do? More than he can count, with stakes ranging from hurt feelings to lives, and he always makes the same choice. The time he hadn't, he'd lost his best friend.
His anger is quickly draining, leaving behind the real emotions that it's--as usual--just masking, and although he's already made up his mind to call Nick back he takes a few minutes before he does. He needs to be sure he won't start crying the moment he tries to talk.
Finally, he sends another video call request and hopes she answers.]